Throughout the whole process, bittersweet hadn't even occurred to me until it hit me - and in the effort of being honest, it hit me pretty hard. I think our 'car' was lacking airbags because it hurt.
This weekend our power went out on Sunday and the roast we had in the oven didn't finish cooking properly. We packed up shop and took the boys for a fall drive to the country side for lunch. Little did I know, but this was uniquely designed plan to help me realize something.
It soon occurred to us that this would be the last day like this for the 4 of us as we know it. You see, these kids we are potentially adopting are moving into our house soon. Don't get me wrong, we are very excited about what the new family will look like and the memories that will come with that. But for years, it has been the 4 of us. So many good times with the most amazing 3 people in my life. Those simple memory making rides, experiences, moments of laughter and joy are becoming just that. Memories
Kelly and I will be the first to tell you what blessed parents we are with these 2 boys. We have enjoyed the last 8 years more than we ever thought we would. But now that changes. Bittersweet....very bittersweet.
Admittedly, the more I began to realize this, the more I broke down with sobbing multiple times. This was then magnified by how amazingly the boys responded to me in those moments. With love, concern and care - How beautiful they are. This then lead to an array of thoughts and emotions in me. I couldn't shake them.
- As the "head' of my household, am I leading my family down a road that will affect myself, Kelly and the boys in a negative way?
- Regret? Are we doing the right thing?
- We have opened an emotional, stress-inducing, money-pulling door that will change our life forever.
- What will the teen years look like?
- and so on.
As usual, a great moment of prayer with Kelly to close the evening helped right the ship. Are we still emotional, yes? Are we confident in God's calling, yes - however this ends up. We stay the course and be parental examples in God's love, mercy, acceptance and redemption. For our boys and any future world changers the God brings our way. We will be obedient to that.